Mountains Part Two: Verbier, Via Ferrata and handsome young Danes

During a well deserved and delicious supper with Melody at Canteloupe where we feasted on a particularly tasty dish of feta cheese swathed in delicate sheathes of filou pastry and drizzled in local honey and cashew nuts, she told me about a remote lake, complete with its own refuge, high above a village called Fionnay and a walk you could do there via the track from La Chaux.  I decided it would be our destination for the following day’s excursion.

After bidding Melody a fond farewell and after an extremely nail biting and stressful never-to-be-repeated blind reverse out of her driveway, Tiggy and I drove up to Verbier and checked into Hotel de Poste. We were staying there as our lovely host was heading back to Newcastle for a wedding.

By 11am we were back again in the Medran bubble, ascending up to Fontenay once more where we warmed our legs up with a gentle stroll down the hill to La Chaux. The rain that had fallen yesterday had settled as snow on the higher ground – we were below the snow line, but the high mountain crests looked very wintery considering it was the end of July.

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The emotionally draining drama of marmot-gate from the previous day was firmly etched in my mind and so, much to her bewilderment, Tiggy remained firmly attached to her lead and was thus rendered physically incapable from disappearing off in high speed pursuit of any bushy tailed creatures.

Today I had two walking poles with me – further practice for Nepal trekking, and a first for me as the more forgiving and gentle inclines of the Isle of Wight have never required me to use more than one, if any at all. Having been taken aback by how cold it had been, I also had a couple of extra layers with me, some biltong and a snack bar, plenty of water and Tiggy’s collapsible drinking bowl.

Two walking poles and an energetic dog at the end of a lead were actually a bit of an exasperating handful, so after attempting more than a couple of fruitless dog lead/walking pole combinations, I threaded the lead’s handle onto the waist strap of my rucksack which left my hands free to ‘pole’ without being tugged whilst ensuring Tiggy remained steadfastly tethered.

Consulting both the signs and the walking map at La Chaux revealed two potential routes to Lac De Louvie. The track, as recommended by Melody, was a lower route and a ‘blue’ on the walking map. The other route, which already had a few hikers on it, was a red route on the walking map, a path that appeared to zig zag round the side of the mountain to reach the lake.

Quite why I ignored Melody who has lived in Verbier for most of her adult life is, with hindsight, something I’m slightly embarrassed about, (hubris perhaps?) but I did, and duly set off following the other walkers along the red route.

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We soon caught up and passed the two hikers who were having difficulty with the rocky terrain which had slowed them down to a snail like pace– apart from having to concentrate on where to put your feet the path was pretty horizontal and not particularly challenging at all.

A little further along, at a fork in the path, we bumped into a couple with their Labrador who were taking a breather. The view was so lovely that I stopped and asked them to take a photo of Tiggy and I. The lady kindly obliged, I enquired if they had come from Lac De Louvie – ‘mais non’ she replied, looking slightly startled and alarmed, ‘on a faisait une petit promenade’. Oh, I replied, “nous allons la”. She looked even more startled, saying she’d never done it, and that it was ‘tres dificile’, which she repeated a number of times, glancing at her husband to back her up, which he did by nodding slowly and sagely.

I smiled confidently, ‘ca va’ I said, emboldened by the ease of the path thus far and confident in the fact that we were on a route clearly marked on the map. Pleasantries concluded, we started on our way.

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The path wound on a gentle incline around the side of the mountain and we soon rounded the corner leaving the civilisation of Le Chaux and the Mont Fort cable car behind us. In the distance I could see two hikers, one with a bright red rucksack clearly making their way. The air was cool, but I had all my layers on and the effort of slowly rising upwards kept me warm. Low hanging cloud meant that the top of the mountain was shrouded in mist, but I could still see the snowline above us.

It wasn’t long before I caught up with the red-rucksacked hikers who were two young Danes called – I kid you not – Hans and Christian. They politely smiled at my fairy tale quip, but I couldn’t work out if they were bored of similar digs or they simply didn’t understand. They were on a ten day hike of the haute route, the infamous walking trek taking in high pass routes in Switzerland and France.

The boys were making way more slowly than us as they were carrying all that they needed with them. They, like Tiggy and I, were also bound for Lac de Louvie, except they wouldn’t be descending to Fionnay to bus it back to Verbier, they were going to spend the night at the lake in the refuge.

Lashed to their rucksacks they had carabiners, ropes and a harness each – which I remember thinking was probably a bit overkill for a hike, but I assumed they maybe perhaps needed to use them on other routes of the haute route.

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The gentle incline soon turned into a steep uphill slope and we were all, with the exception of Tiggy, breathing heavily (the boys especially so with the weight of their rucksacks); the effort arrested our amiable chat. I was glad of my double pole strategy, it definitely made navigating the challenging gradient a bit easier. It was certainly excellent practice for Nepal.

We feel into a natural cadence and order – Tiggy and I in front and the boys behind – Tiggy taking every boulder and slope in her stride, remaining absolutely resolute in her determination and desperation to err from the path in the hope of a chance to chase marmots.

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We walked in silence, up and up, and higher still; the snow line and clouds getting closer with every switchback. Looking ahead I could see some steep crevasses, covered in rockfall and scree, slicing deeply into the mountainside. My heart sank slightly when I realized that the path wasn’t traversing the side of the mountain all, but in order to successfully navigate the crevasses, we were going to have to go high enough so that we could cross either above them or at their narrowest point. This ‘red route’ was beginning to feel more like a black.

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The air temperature cooled further still and after about an hour and a half we found ourselves in the snow line – clouds rolling up the side of the mountain towards us, either enveloping us completely in its chilly cloak or dancing around us offering tantalizing glimpses of what was to come. Over a vertical mile down below in the valley floor it looked lovely and warm – I began to appreciate the appeal of the blue route.

At times the path was confusing, but for the most part it was pretty clear, flags painted on rocks along the way helped us, indicating that we remained on the correct route.

We came across our first major challenge, a landslide, after about two hours.

It was at the point in the walk when I was beginning to get a bit irritated, just as we turned another switchback and I thought, we must be at the top now, there was another one, and another and yet another. Mountain hikes are devilishly cunning in that way. I placated myself with the reassurance that this was, indeed, a great Nepal warm up.

I was slightly concerned about Tiggy, who had never been at altitude before, but she continued to bounce along, leaping like a bunny rabbit up over rocks and boulders and waiting patiently for me at the top of every one before trotting on ahead, pulling at my waistband with her lead.

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The landslide was at the top of the first crevasse we had to cross (yes, there was more than one). The unseasonal rain must have caused the path to slide away leaving a slippery slope of hazardous wet mud; it was a very, very steep gradient and a very long and extremely sheer drop to the side.

The boys, nonplussed, slipped off their rucksacks and quietly went about the businesses of attaching their harnesses and started to lay out one of their ropes.

“I go first” announced Hans, “Tiggy” he said, pointing at her “will go next, then you, and Christian will go last”. Ok, I said, smiling on the outside and feeling rather anxious on the inside, I thought I could just about manage, but how would Tiggy cope? Should I put her in my rucksack I wondered?

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Hans clambered like spider-man up the scree to the left of the mud slide, it was about one and a half storys high. He was clearly a competent climber and made it look marvelously easy. He lowered the rope with a carabiner on the end saying “this is for Tiggy”. I attached it to her harness and, keeping hold of the lead so she was tethered above and below, I bent down to pick up her to lift her as high as I could (not very high as it turned out, being only 5ft 3”). This was to try make it easier for Hans to winch her up – rather like someone being rescued by the RNLI helicopter from the sea.

Tiggy wriggled which made me nervous, and before I could even say ‘ok’ for Hans to take up the slack and start pulling, she’d managed to get all four paws onto the scree and, completely non-plussed, bounded up the sheer face like a little mountain goat. Once at the top she peered back over the edge as if to say ‘come on mummy, what’s taking you so long?’. We were all rather incredulous at how easily she’d sprung up such a tricky and steep incline.

The carabiner was unclipped from Tiggy and lashed around my waist, a hefty tug from Christian made sure all was secure. Heart in mouth (I’m strong and fit, but am no climber and have no experience at all) I took my time to secure each foot and hand as I made my way methodically up the scree to the sound of encouraging comments from Hans above and Christian below.

A few of the rocks skidded beneath my feet, but I made it without needing assistance from the rope. Shortly afterwards Christian arrived and we sat down for some water and a bit of a breather whilst the rope was coiled.

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“I definitely owe you guys a beer at the refuge”, I said. They smiled and explained that the walking route they were doing shouldn’t need harnesses, but they bought them to be on the safe side for moments such as these. They were only in their early twenties, I was so impressed at their maturity and how well prepared they were and extremely conscious that I was there – alone with a small dog – and whilst not ill equipped, I was certainly guilty of not having researched my route at all.

Therefore, I had no idea whatsoever what was coming up next.

After about another half an hour of further ascent a triangular sign with a red boarder stood out brightly in the mist; the image was of a rockfall and the warning was written underneath in four languages.  Poorly translated into English it said: “For the following 300m of the trail there is a risk of falling rocks.  It is prohibited to stop on the trial and deviating from the path is not recommended”.

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A sneaking thought entered my mind that perhaps I should turn back – but I was now over halfway to the lake, and I thought it would be safer and more sensible to keep going with the boys than to turn back alone. Plus the idea of going down the mudslide/scree without a rope as a failsafe in case Tiggy or I slid was not one worth entertaining.

Out came the harnesses again – this part of the path, which was no wider than two footprints had a sheer drop down the mountainside to the right, a Via Ferrata style chain to hold onto at waist height to the left, whilst whatever sinister danger hovered above was covered in clouds and impossible to see.

We all stashed our walking poles in our respective rucksacks. I made a makeshift harness out of a shorter piece of rope, impressing the boys with my nautical knots – who knew that a bowline would come in handy at 2500 metres in the Swiss Alps?

The safety rope went from Hans’ harness, to a carabiner which was attached to Tiggy, then to me and then to Christian. Slowly yet with an unspoken sense of urgency to get across promptly we inched our way along in silence– I kept my eyes firmly ahead, hand over hand holding the iron chain and taking up the slack in Tiggy’s lead. Clouds kept rolling up and over us, making the visibility very variable, that didn’t bother me too much, but the moisture in the air made the path, particularly the rocky parts, quite slippery. This was not a place to be less than very sure of foot.

Every now and again Tiggy peeped over the edge – a swift yank on the lead from me ensured she didn’t go any further, I think she was just being inquisitive – I couldn’t imagine this was a particularly hospitable dwelling place for any mountain animal, let alone a marmot who requires the ability to burrow into soft ground.

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We crossed in about fifteen minutes and on the other side we all breathed a sigh of relief. Then the clouds cleared and we looked back and caught sight of the perils that had been looming above us – a menacing overhanging cliff of granite from which spewed a tumbling ravine of rocks of all sizes. It was easy to appreciate how a landslide might happen – it was vulnerable, exposed and appeared somewhat unstable.
“I think I owe you two beers,” I said, laughingly.

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On we plodded – still ascending, until out of the mist we suddenly were standing on the narrow ridge of Col Termin (2,648m) – we had reached the top of the route! And from there, once round the narrow corner of the Col we could see down the other side of the mountain to the inky blue depths of Lac de Louvie (2,214m).

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It was a breathtaking view – probably made all the more so because it was because it was such an unexpectedly arduous a climb to get there. It’s so true the harder you have to work for something, the better you feel when you achieve it.

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We descended fairly rapidly – I was starting to become a bit twitchy and conscious of the time – the last bus from Fionnay left for Verbier at 5.20pm, it was already 3pm and it was at least an hour’s descent into Fionnay from the lake itself. Of course the boys were staying at refuge so it didn’t matter to them.

We wound down and around, and around and down. It’s a cruel trick of hiking that the uninitiated may be fooled into thinking that going up is the hardest part – and we’d been ascending steeply, non-stop for nearly four hours – but the reality is, it’s three times harder on your thighs to go down.

Gravity may keep us on terra firma and stop us from flying off into outer space, but it makes going down hill a lot harder as it accelerates the forward movement of your body,  meaning your quads have to work terrifically hard to keep you at a controlled speed. Someone once told me it’s rather like driving your car with the handbreak on.

We were descending 434 vertical metres to the lake below, which would take only an hour – conversely it had taken four hours to ascend a mere 388 vertical metres via 4 miles of torturous switchbacks and taxing traverses.

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We skirted round the edge of the lake – the snowy peaks from whence we came looming high above. I was fairly relaxed by now, it wasn’t far to Fionnay and we were on the homeward stretch.

One of my many regrets of the day was that I didn’t have time to treat myself to a wild swim in the lake.  Oh how invigorating it would have been to toast our arrival with a bracing plunge into its icy cool depths, I longed to float on my back, gaze up at the peaks above and take a few moments to bask in the contentment, and relief, of safe passage. I’m sure it would also have been great cold-water therapy for my muscles too, which weren’t aching…yet.

I made a mental note to return another time with a swimming costume and an overnight bag and treat myself to a night’s stay at the refuge although, of course, it was not without some chagrin that I wouldn’t be guaranteed the company of two disarmingly handsome young Danes.

We collapsed euphorically at the refuge (2,214m) and I kept good on my promise of an extremely well deserved round of beers. I can’t begin to tell you how good they tasted! Tiggy had a little paddle, a long drink from the fresh water trough and some of my biltong. I wolfed down my snack bar. Glancing at my watch I saw it was already 4pm and time for us to go.

The signpost said it was 1 hour 10 minutes to descent to Fionnay, nestling snugly in the bottom of the valley a reasonably hefty 724 vertical metres beneath us.

After a slightly smelly but very warm and heartfelt hug with the boys and a tickle for Tiggy, we waved goodbye to our walking companions and unassuming heroes. Whether it’s sharing a connection over poorly dogs, as I’d experienced in Spain when Tiggy swallowed a stone, or bonding over a challenging hike, my gap year really has reaffirmed my view that the majority of human beings truly are kind, generous and good, and that we share far more in common with each other than we have differences dividing us.

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I’d like to say it was a pleasant and meandering stroll down to Fionnay – but actually it was an hour and fifteen minutes of extreme thigh burn and screaming knees, even the magnificent views of lakes, dams and glaciers didn’t and couldn’t make up for how much my legs and knees hurt. We’d been walking for five hours by then and, all in all; the top of Col Termin to Fionnay was a total descent of 1,158 vertical metres (0.72 miles). Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch.

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I reckon we must have been about half way down when the striking blue lake of Fionnay came into view. The stunning turquoise colour comes from glacial flour, created when rock underneath the surface of the glacier is ground into very fine sediment that runs off with the melt water in spring into rivers and lakes. Glacial flour is so fine and light it stays suspended in water for a long time and, when the sunlight reflects off the floating flour on a lake, it creates a dazzling turquoise hue. It really has to be seen in person to fully appreciate the richness of the water in all its glory; photographs, even with an Instagram filter, don’t do it justice. I ran out of time to even take even the hastiest of snaps, so this photo is borrowed from one of Melody’s portfolio.

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(c) Melody Sky photography

Looking at my watch it was 4.50pm, we had only 30 minutes to get down and find the bus stop – we were cutting it more than fine. I reckoned just by eye-balling the path, we were only about half way down.

Tiggy was still attached to my waist strap, but now instead of striding out in front, she trailed behind me. Her short legs must have been absolutely spent at this point. Picking her up, I put her in my rucksack and hoisted her onto my back – her little head sticking out and resting on my shoulder. And then, with an extra 8 kilos of load, I started to jog down the hill. If my thighs were burning during the first half of the descent, they were now absolutely screaming and my knees were extraordinarily painful.

 

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It got warmer and warmer as we descended – a drastic difference from the icy cool snowy and misty peaks above – sweat streamed down my face. We must have been quite a sight – me, as pink as my t-shirt, puffing and panting and Tiggy’s foxy face peeping out of the top my rucksack. I’m sure she would have been ok to keep going on all four paws, but I was worried she might implode if I made her run down after already having walked so far – Tiggy is super fit, but also such a loyal and devoted companion, she’d keel over and die before she would give up and stop following me.

Of course, if we missed the bus from Fionnay I could have arranged a taxi I’m sure, but I’m reasonably confident that a 20k winding trip in a Verbier cab would have more than blown my daily budget. I was pretty jolly keen to get on that bus.

Given that we were out of the clouds, it would have been wonderful to be able to saunter slowly down, stop and admire the view – the impressive glaciers, the intense blue hues of the lakes, the richness of the foliage and the vast variety of alpine flowers. Not today! Twist after twist and turn after turn, I kept on jogging, very thankful for having ‘double poled’ as at least they helped take some of the impact from my poor quads and knees.

I could see a small group gathering on the roadside beneath us, I assumed that must be the bus stop – my watch said seven minutes to go and I could see that I wasn’t going to make it if I kept to the snaking path. Jogging more rapidly I ignored the switchbacks and took the direct line of flight straight to the gate – the steep incline wreaking even more agony on my creaky knees.

The bus came into view at the far end of the village. I waved my poles in the air to the crowd at the bus stop and puffingly shouted ‘Arretez le bus, s’il vous plait’. No one even lifted a hand to acknowledge my plea, at this point, I was pretty sure I was stuffed.
The ground finally flattened out, my jog turned into as fast a run as my knees would allow, Tiggy bouncing uncomfortably in my rucksack behind me. The bus pulled up, the small crowd jostled to get on.

My lungs burned. I tripped over my feet but managed not to fall. I caught the eye of the driver as the last person was getting on – he held the door open for me as five seconds later I arrived. Totally spent and unable to speak, I nodded a grateful thank you as I heaved my tired limbs up the steps onto the bus. I flopped into the front seat and gulped down all that was left of my water, saving a mouthful for Tiggy who, as soon as she was freed from the confines of my rucksack, curled up on my knee and went straight to sleep.

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I leaned my forehead against the window as the bus wove its way down the valley. I looked up to the dizzying heights of where we had come from – still blanketed in cloud, it was almost unfathomable to believe how cool it had been up there, it was so scorching hot down in the valley.

The bus deposited us in Le Chable then, as the bubble had already shut, we waited for another bus to take us up to Verbier. I finally opened the door to our hotel room just before 7pm, I was wrecked and boy, was I smelly! Tiggy was fed a very generous portion of kibble for supper whilst I wallowed in a bath until the water started to go cold. Post bath I stretched my legs out in a variety of gentle yoga poses, hoping beyond hope that this would help reduce the almost certain onslaught of stiff and sore muscles the next day.

We had walked over 11 miles, taken 27,784 steps and climbed 163 floors. Distance wise, that’s longer than any single day I’ll be doing in Nepal – except there the challenge will be the altitude and not just the distance.  In Nepal I’ll be averaging an altitude of 4,200m where the air has 50% less oxygen than at sea level; the highest point I’d been to in Verbs was 2,650 where oxygen levels are just over 70% of that at sea level.

Melody had, thankfully, fed me a substantial breakfast of smoked salmon and scrambled eggs – so I had been well fortified for my unexpectedly challenging and long hike – but apart from that, the only things I’d had eaten all day were a snack bar and half a packet of biltong. I was ravenous.

It was a pleasant and blissfully short stroll out of the hotel and up the hill to Verbier’s infamous Fer a Cheval, scene of many boozy apres ski adventures. There, I perused the menu whilst gulping down more water and sipping on an ice-cold glass of dry white wine.

Tiggy curled up on my puffa on the bench next to me and continued her restorative snoozing. A friendly, local ex-pat couple on a neighbouring table came over to fuss over Tiggy and enquire what bought us to Verbier. I explained the rationale behind vising friends and getting my legs fit for Nepal. That naturally took us onto converse about the day’s hike – when I told them what we’d done they were really impressed. They couldn’t believe Tiggy had managed it, I was both pleased and relieved we’d done it, but still had an internal niggle of guilt that I had risked stretching little Tiggles beyond her physical capabilities.

I asked them what they’d recommend to eat. ‘The lasagne’ the chap replied ‘but you only need a half portion’ the lady added ‘it’s really big, we’ve just shared one’. I didn’t have the energy to explain that I hadn’t eaten for eleven hours – so I just said thank you and ordered a full portion along with a token side salad.  I ate every single delicious morsel, if licking the plate was socially acceptable, I probably would have done that too.

It can’t have been more than fifty steps downhill from the Fer a Cheval back to the hotel – every single one was agonizing.

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Getting out of bed the next day was somewhat of a comedy affair; I commando rolled like a beached whale onto my tummy and shuffled my legs off first, face down and with my torso still on the bed, I pushed myself up to standing so that I could try a few tentative steps. Actually it wasn’t bad at all! Walking out of my hotel room I was hugely relieved that my legs definitely felt weary and a bit stiff but not nearly as bad as I had thought they would be.

And then I attempted to descend the three flights of stairs from my bedroom to reception; a meager three steps down proved so painful that I had to turn around, come back up and somewhat shamefacedly push the button to call for the lift.

A hearty breakfast of crepes and coffee was thoroughly enjoyed on the sunny terrace of the Milk Bar, and then we could dawdle no longer.


Time to climb back into The Beast to commence our long drive back up through France. As a regular reminder of the prior day’s escapade, clambering down and hobbling round to the passenger side to pay the toll at every peage was utter agony.

The five hour drive back up through France offered plenty of time for musing and rumination; it was an arduous hike but not impassible or impossible. If I hadn’t been up against the clock it would have been a lot easier, and the walking map was scant in details as to the difficulty of the route. It was demanding, but certainly far from the hardest trek I’d ever done. I’m usually a cautious and careful person when it comes to matters of safety, so whilst we were never truly in grave danger, I was definitely a little bit unsettled by the escapade.

Why had I ignored the route Melody had recommended, as well as not heeding the advice from the local couple walking their dog?

On reflection, the beginning of both the blue and red run looked beguilingly similar and un-taxing. A subsequent conversation confirmed Melody had recommended the blue route more for Tiggy’s sake than mine. I’m a very contrary person and when the local couple said that the red route was very hard, the obstante part of me looked at them (they were quite a lot older than me) and assumed that their yardstick for ‘hard’ was different from mine. I’m particularly of the mindset that when someone tells you something shouldn’t be done; it’s more a reflection of their limitations and not yours.

Hmmmm.

In Nepal, thankfully, I will be led by guides who are always to be obeyed and I’ve read enough about disasters at altitude and in the Himalaya to gladly acquiesce any decision making to those far more knowledgeable and experienced than I.

The Alps have taught me a number of important lessons before heading out on much more challenging adventures. As Sir Edmund Hillary so aptly said

“It’s not really the mountains we have to conquer, but ourselves.”

Chapeau, Sir Ed, chapeau.

Choose happy – heed the advice of locals (except for portion sizes on lasagna) and always befriend handsome young Danes.

Love, Sophie, Tiggy and The Beast XOX

La Chaux 2,260m to Col Termin 2,648m = 388metres (0.25 vertical miles up)
Col Termin 2,648 to Lac Louvie 2,214m = 434m descent (0.27 vertical miles down)
Lac Louvie 2,214m to Fionnay = 724m descent (0.45 vertical miles down)
Col Termin to Fionnay = 1158m descent. OUCH (0.72 vertical miles down)

Mountains, marriage and marmots. Part One: happy memories and a close shave for an extraordinarily naughty Tiggy #TooCloseForComfort

Isn’t it funny how you can go away for ages, come back and only five minutes later feel as if you’ve never been away?

Tarifa and our beach-based life seemed a world away by day two of being tucked back up in my little Cowes cottage. Tiggy immediately found her way back to her favourite snoozing sunny spots and I swam a number of times off Cowes beach. There had been a heat wave in the UK and the water felt ten degrees warmer than the goose-bump inducing briny shallows of Tarifa harbour.

Water temperature aside, I certainly preferred swimming in the ‘Reefa as, even though the Solent is super clean, the water visibility was really poor. I couldn’t even see my hands in front of me and I kept swimming into giant clumps of seaweed, bringing me to a sudden, shuddering stop. It was an inefficient way to swim as each encounter meant I trod water and spluttered madly whilst trying to work out the optimal way to navigate past my free-floating obstacle.

Either that or the seaweed would brush past my body, making me jump with its tickly fronds and getting loosely tangled in my legs, like an octopus lazily wrapping its long tentacles around me. This resulted in mild panic and for my legs to involuntarily kick, rather violently, in my attempt to free myself from my aqua captor. It was all a bit stress inducing. The tide was strong in Cowes too, I could swim vigorously for ten minutes and only cover about ten metres in distance – of course the upside was, after such an energetic exertion to go nowhere slowly, I could float back, suspended by saline and carried by the current, to return to my starting point whilst making zero effort at all.

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Two weeks quickly passed by and we were on the road again. This time driving down through France, via a Portsmouth – Le Havre overnight ferry, with my friend Sammy and her son Joey. I’m not sure whether it was Joey or Tiggy who was more excited about sleeping on the ferry – but Tiggy certainly was thrilled to have been upgraded to a pet friendly cabin rather than be locked up in a chilly, stainless steel gaol.  It was a late night crossing and we plonked her basket on the cabin floor before flopping into our bunks (Joey on top, Sammy and I below).  Less than ten minutes after lights out, the temptation of a cosy bottom bunk with me in it clearly proved too much, and as the ferry gently eased out of the harbour, I felt a little warm ball of fur bounce onto the end of the bunk and wriggly around to make a toasty nest where Tiggy stayed, pleasantly warming my toes and snuffling contentedly, until we all fell sound asleep.

Disembarking the following morning at 8.30am we then drove 500 long, hot and noisy miles to Chamonix, where we arrived, absolutely shattered and almost too tired to speak, precisely twelve hours later. I slept the sleep of the dead that night – to be fair, I always sleep well in the Alps, although I may have been aided and abetted by copious glasses of chilled white wine and fine food from our lovely hosts.

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Chamonix (or Cham to those that know) was our first destination because I have decided that’s where Tiggy, The Beast and I will spend the ski season component of our gap year, and I was keen to secure my accommodation for the winter. I haven’t actually been to Chamonix for about twenty years, but I’ve chosen to spend a winter there because it’s a “proper” town, in fact it’s the Alps’ largest, and (so my theory goes) will be less claustrophobic than a smaller, or more remote resort. It’s also driving distance to resorts frequented by my friends – so I would hopefully be in easy reach of company should I feel the need for it. And finally, Chamonix boasts a good reputation for ski touring and cross country skiing – both of which I’m a complete novice at, but keen to conquer, particularly if Tiggy can come along too.

I would have loved to be in Verbier where I both love the skiing and have some lovely friends – however I decided that I’d probably end up both an alcoholic and bankrupt if I even began to attempt an entire season there.   Epic fun though it might be, becoming a Farinet and Farm Club regular with my name emblazoned on a bottle behind the bar is not one of the strategic objectives for my gap year, although I think I may have been guilty of that during one particularly prolific winter in my twenties. Some things are certainly best left in the past, and I’m far more of a late, long, luxurious lunch and early to bed vintage now.

In Chamonix a teeny-weeny, picture-perfect mazot was located, on the sunny side of the valley, with views of Mont Blanc and in the gardens of a far grander chalet. I concluded that, although small, it was perfectly formed and would be a snug little sanctuary for Tiggy and I. A wincingly huge deposit secured it for us for the season.

Our host’s house also offered stunning views of Mont Blanc (or Monte Bianco if you’re looking at it from Italy). Towering above Chamonix at 4,808m, it’s the highest mountain in the Alps, and the highest in Europe if you exclude Russia’s Caucasus peaks. It was strange, and slightly scary, to think that the second part of my upcoming trip to Nepal would average walking at about that height for nineteen days.

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A little below the peak at 4,260 metres, Mont Blanc is also home to Europe’s two highest toilets – they were delivered there by helicopter in 2007 as excrement from the 30,000 annual skiers and mountaineers was turning Mont Blanc into Mont Marron during the annual spring thaws. Apparently, during busy times, they are also serviced daily by chopper – I bet those pilots have great dinner party chat.

Every day of our stay there, the sounds of helicopters could be heard, flying to rescue mountaineers and climbers who had got into difficulties. Over 100 people die on Mont Blanc every year and Wikipedia tells me that Mont Blanc’s summit is ascended by an annual average of 20,000 mountaineers. This means a very sobering one in every two hundred people who set off to conquer the summit won’t make it off the mountain alive. Better odds than Everest, but just demonstrates how technically difficult a climb it must be (the summit is 800m lower than both Everest Base Camp and Kilimanjaro).

We didn’t climb anything, our contribution as Chamonix tourists was to stay safe, shop (a skateboard for Joey, some Arcteryx shoes for me – I avoided Chanel as that’s definitely not on my eternity leave budget), eat pizza and burgers and drink beer. After a fun filled couple of days being spoilt by our hosts, whose little sausage dog, Herbie, became utterly besotted with Tiggy, it was time to move on to Morzine.

Morzine was the location for the wedding of one of my best girlfriends. It was a whole weekend affair with guests flying in from all over the world to celebrate the occasion and this entire trip had been planned around it. Sammy and I were both somewhat cheekily titled “Maids of Dishonour”, Tiggy was invited too and even The Beast had an official role as back up wedding car. Adorned with flowers and ribbons, he looked magnificent, although unfortunately he blotted his copybook by getting oil on Sammy’s dress, about which I was terribly upset and she was marvellously decent, as only a truly kind and generous friend would be. This was the only dark cloud to an otherwise wonderful weekend, full of love, joy, vats of wine, yards of trays of tartiflette, hours of energetic dancing and heaps of chatting and catching up with friends old and new – many a happy memory was made.

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Morzine was very busy – full of mountain bikers who take advantage of the vast ski lift infrastructure and use it to transport them and their bikes skyward and then hurtle back down the mountain via paths of varying technical complexity at an alarming speed. Just the kit alone was enough to put me off – anything that requires full body armour, an ice-hockey style caged helmet to protect your face along with knee and elbow pads is definitely not for me.

Purposefully choosing to ignore the many tantalising offers of paragliding and mountain biking, I took advantage instead of Morzine’s amazing outdoor Olympic sized swimming pool. Nestling in the valley floor there’s something breathtakingly special about swimming along and seeing a jagged sea-saw of mountain ridges every time you lift your head out of the water to take a breath.

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This was my first fresh water swim for a long time, in fact, since before I’d been to Tarifa. I had clearly become very accustomed to salt water swimming as I very nearly sank when I took my first few strokes.  I was really surprised by the marked difference in buoyancy from the sea – not only did it require significantly more effort to stay afloat, let alone actually propel myself along, but the water felt really different too; the pool water had a far more slippery sensation in my hands, like liquid silk caressing my fingers as they glided and slid with each stroke; when I exhaled, the bubbles of breath resembled silvery, shimmering beads of mercury, rising to the surface before escaping to freedom into the mountain air.

I’ve read before that, because the skin is our largest organ, some people regard swimming as a sensuous sport. This was the first time I’d ever really appreciated that; I really did feel caressed by the water. Open air swimming – whether sea, lake or pool – is quite simply one of my favourite pleasures in life.  And as I floated on my back, gazing up at the mountains, I made a vow to myself to still swim regularly when I’m eighty – compete with a Barbara Cartland-esque pink flowery swimming cap and a robust, ruched swimming costume

It didn’t take too long to get accustomed to the less buoyant water and lap after lap, turn after turn, I soon fell back into my familiar cadence and enjoyed the peaceful tranquillity of a rhythmic, restorative, hangover curing dip in the mountain air. I swam two kilometres, a pretty standard swim for me in the ‘Reefa, but I was certainly more weary after completing that in the fresh water pool.

Of course my weariness had nothing to do with the fact that we had danced, non stop, for five hours at the wedding the previous night – pausing only at 10pm to quickly wolf down some tasty tartiflette and wedding cake before, re-energised by stodgy carbohydrates and on a sugar high from buttercream icing, we energetically threw ourselves back around the dance floor until the DJ ceased spinning his digital decks at 1am. As one of our friends wryly observed on Sunday it was rather like attending an international Zumba convention with a particularly smart dress code and a more even balance of male to female delegates.

After round three of the nuptials on the Sunday which consisted of a delicious barbecue and bottle after bottle of fine, chilled rose, the guests started to scatter and wove their way back to airports, transfers and trains to leave the magic of the weekend behind and resume their normal lives once more.

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For Tiggy, The Beast and I, it was time to move onto yet another adventure. And early on Monday morning we waved goodbye to Morzine and drove slowly, in the pouring rain, along the valley floor and out of the resort before climbing up a series of aggressively steep switchbacks to Chatel (which we normally ski to from Morzine) over the Bec Du Corbeau (1,992m) and through an un-patrolled border into Switzerland, which would have nearly passed un-noticed had it not been for a flurry of Swiss flags adorning the chalets that lined the road immediately after.

The weather was truly awful, relentless rain and low hanging cloud, not only was it damp and miserable, it was pretty chilly too. All in all, it was a bit disappointing. It should have been a delightful drive – the sort that would have Jeremy Clarkson et al foaming at the mouth as we zig-zagged down the mountain – but it really was pretty dismal driving conditions. Although I’m proud, pleased and relieved to report that the windscreen wiper replaced by me, without any external assistance, coped admirably with being used in anger for the first time (it’s predecessor had flown off, unexpectedly, mid way through a particularly blustery drive in Tarifa).

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The final stop of our trip was Verbier, where we stayed with Melody who lives in a beautiful chalet with huge picture windows, perched precariously half way up a very steep switchback between Le Chable below and Verbier above. Parking at Melody’s required nerves of steel, and great driver dexterity – including stopping and reversing up a near vertical incline combined with outstanding spacial awareness.

These are not skills I profess to have in abundance: I’m not a particularly competent driver; The Beast is really heavy and hard to manoeuvre, particularly in small spaces, and his hand break isn’t great, meaning that steep, hill starts (particularly in reverse) are far from easy. After a particularly stressful attempt on our third day where it smelt as if I’d burnt The Beast’s clutch to a cinder, I decided I would avoid parking at Melody’s again until I had an automatic car complete with parking sensors, a better turning circle and a boyfriend who would park it for me.

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Melody, who originally hails from Scotland, is really a Verbier native having lived there for over eighteen years where she runs a very successful film and photography company. Her life is a bit like a North Face advert (one of her many clients in fact) and rather than living an adventurous, adrenaline filled life in the mountains vicariously through her Instagram feed, I was very keen to explore some of her pictures in person. Also, my upcoming Nepal trip is only two and a half months away, so I needed to knock out a few miles in the mountains and start to get my legs fit.

Tiggy and I bubbled up to Verbier for our first day’s hike. Compared to the hustle and mountain bike bustle of Morzine, it felt very quiet. Although I have to say, it felt incredibly luxurious to not have to queue for the bubble or share it with strangers. Mind you, I did miss my friend Damian, with whom I’ve shared many a glass of fizz whilst bubbling up from Le Chable to Verbier for a Big Night Out.

Tiggy was rocking her doggles and, as per usual, we had to stop for more than a few selfies with everyone from the lift operators to a gaggle of tourists from South Korea. If I ever run out of travel funds, I shall simply set up a pop-up photo-booth and pimp Tiggy out.

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We took two bubbles and disembarked at Fontanet (2,485m) where the air temperature was noticeably a lot cooler than down in the valley at Melody’s where it remained unseasonably cool. I was glad I’d packed my down vest and immediately put it on along with my gore-tex jacket, a quiet, little voice in my head wondered if I should have packed gloves and a hat.

The mountains look so different when they’re not covered in snow and walking on the runs was a very interesting, unpredictably mixed experience. Some of the easy-peasy, smoothly groomed blue runs that I have hooned down so often were, as expected, lovely alpine meadows, carpeted in flowers and soft, mossy grass whilst other blue runs were covered in ankle-twisting, inhospitable scree and the jaunty little off-piste side runs that we love to take so much were far too steep and a definite no go on foot.

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From Fontanet we started to climb the winding blue run up to the top of the Attelas chair lift (2,733 metres). Every now and again Tiggy stopped to stick her head into the entrance of an enticing hole, I wasn’t sure what they were home to as they were definitely too big for a rabbit, but, to a dog bred for ratting and hunting, they clearly smelt extraordinarily good. Tiggy does love to roll in fox poo, so I kept ushering her away, just in case they were a fox’s lair, as the last thing I wanted to do was return to Melody’s stinking of ‘eau de renard” – that would probably have ensured we would never have been invited back. We walked up past a flock of mountain sheep, whose bells we heard before they came into view, grazing away on the lush alpine grasses. As the life of a sheep goes, theirs must be pretty good, I bet they taste good too…

Sunny and hot, it was not, fog kept drifting in and out and at the top I was slightly perturbed to find we were in a total white out. I pulled the hood of my hoodie and jacket up, my hands were freezing so I tucked them inside my jacket arms, and the helpful little voice that wondered if I needed a hat and gloves became a little bit louder. Thankfully, having skied it often, I knew where to go and we walked down a surprisingly steep blue run, mercifully out of the clouds, to the two lakes of Lac Des Vaux (2,543m).

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I’ve never seen these lakes before as they are always frozen and covered in snow in the winter, they were a very pretty and enticing tanzanite blue; a gap in the mountains enabled me to see far down into the valley, as stunning in summer as in winter – it was a quietly, contemplative moment. The little voice in my head, back in helpful mode, reminded me how lucky I am to have this gap year and to make sure I remember moments like this. I smiled and gave Tiggy a little tickle. Alluring though the colour of the water was, it was far too chilly to even contemplate dipping a toe in and my hands still hadn’t warmed up, so I didn’t even test the water with my fingers. However, the air felt cooler just standing by the water so I think it’s safe to assume that temperature of the lakes was on the “f**k me it’s freezing” side of cold.

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Turning around, I scrambled and Tiggy bounced back up the steep blue run, back through the freezing fog and descended down the winding blue run. The plan was to head beyond Fontanet following a leisurely descent to La Chaux (2,260m) to enjoy a late lunch – and then potentially take the cable car to the summit of the glacier at Mont Fort (3,330 metres), the highest peak in the Verbier valleys.

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Let me rephrase that – this was the plan until Tiggy discovered her first marmot.

It didn’t occur to me to keep Tiggy on a lead – no matter where we go, Tiggy is always within eyesight of me and, even though I don’t need to watch her every bounce, I always instinctively know where she is. In fact, she panics if she can’t see me, and if she ever pauses too long to linger over a particularly tempting scent, all I have to do is turn around and shout ‘left behind’ at which point she will always abruptly stop whatever she is doing and run towards me at full pelt. Being ‘left behind’ is no laughing matter for anyone, but particularly not to a little doggy who was often abandoned by her previous owners outside in a cage with no shelter for long stretches of time.  Separation anxiety means Tiggy is nearly always in my shadow.

But not today. It turns out the tempting little hole that Tiggy found so enticing was actually a burrow belonging to a marmot. I now know this because I saw one, bushy tail and all, scampering through some long grass to the side of the walk on our way down. I also now know that the Alps are riddled with marmots and that they are related to squirrels, another irresistible animal if you’re a Jack Russell terrier. And they hibernate in winter, which is why you never see them when you’re skiing.

We were nearly at the bottom where of the piste where we were going to take the left fork towards La Chaux and lunch. I was beginning to get hungry (it was the cold, I’m sure). I heard Tiggy stop behind me, head down yet another hole. “Come on Tiggy, left behind” I called. She lifted her head up and started to trot obligingly towards me. At that moment a furry creature with a long tail shot out of the hole and, without a moments hesitation, Tiggy darted after it at top speed. The marmot scurried into the long grass and Tiggy hurtled after it, not far from its tail.

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Tiggy, I hollered, and was met with silence. I couldn’t even hear her running in the grass. I kept calling her name along with ‘left behind’ – I scanned the grass for moving strands to give away her presence, there wasn’t a whisper of wind – the grass was motionless. I kept calling her name, in a cheerful voice, so she wouldn’t think she was in trouble. Nothing. The mountain was eerily quiet. I realised that since we left Fontanet about four hours earlier, we hadn’t encountered another soul.

All of a sudden I wasn’t cold anymore. In fact I was really rather hot and clammy. I ran down through the long grass calling her name. There was no sign of life anywhere. The helpful/unhelpful voice in my head was on full ‘imagination gone wild’ mode; I saw pictures of Tiggy with her head stuck down a hole, unable to get out; I saw pictures of Tiggy running round an unfamiliar mountain, frightened trying to find me and confused by strange smells; I saw pictures of Tiggy bleeding having been badly bitten.

A mind out of control will play interesting tricks on you; directed it’s your greatest friend.

I don’t know who said that, but it certainly couldn’t be truer.

Running back up to the spot where I last saw her, I told myself to calm down and get a grip. Should I call for help I wondered? If they send helicopters for lost climbers in Chamonix would they do the same for a dog? (The answer is no, of course, but I did seriously consider it as an option.)

Fifteen long and extremely anxious minutes went by. My tummy was gnawing, my hands were shaking, the only reason I wasn’t crying was because I knew I needed to keep my voice calm so she could hear me and not be scared to come back.

I kept calling and calling and calling and calling and calling. Not a murmur of noise, not the slightest of movements. The minutes crept by. I took long, deep breaths to keep myself calm(ish).

I don’t know precisely how long it was, I think thirty minutes, and then I lost it. No longer was my voice measured and friendly. I screamed and screamed and screamed her name until I couldn’t scream any more. And then I screamed again and again and again.

I saw the grass move first, out of the corner of my right eye, and then I saw a scared little face with frightened eyes, huffing and puffing with all her might and running at full pelt towards me. I attached her lead before I even hugged her. Sitting down with a thump, I pulled her closely and then gave her some water whilst I composed myself.

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Who knows where she was or what happened. My guess is she chased after the marmot and didn’t realise how far she’d gone, and then when she stopped and couldn’t see or hear me, she got scared and started running, probably in the wrong direction.  Women’s voices don’t carry well in the air (I know this from sailing) – so perhaps she didn’t even hear me until I started screaming.

With still slightly shaky knees, I stood up and we walked calmly down to La Chaux, Tiggy’s lead firmly attached to my wrist.   I had a huge glass of wine with my 27CHF bowl of spaghetti. Tiggy nonchalantly gnawed on a chewy – it was as if the previous hour had never happened.

We were too late to do the Mont Fort cable car, which was shut anyway because of fog.  Still a bundle of twitching, nervous energy I decided to walk down to Verbier to meet Melody.  It’s quite a long walk.  Longer than I realised in fact.  I think it took us two hours.  Lower down as we walked along the road it started to rain. By the time we got to the bottom – via two very steep red run short cuts – we were drenched, it was a good way to break in my new walking boots and a great test run for Nepal.

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We arrived in Verbier (1,500m) and bubbled back down to Le Chable to collect The Beast and drove back up to Melody’s where I had a bath and Tiggy fell sound asleep. We had walked 9.7 miles and climbed the equivalent of 102 floors.

It’s easy to forget how small we are sometimes, but out here, the mountains sure find a way to remind you.

 

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P(c) Melody Sky Photography

Would you believe the next day I did something unfathomably dim too?

 

Choose happy, keep your dog on a lead in the mountains and death to all marmots.

Love, Sophie, Tiggy and The Beast X

 

All at sea on the journey home: vomiting dogs, stinging wasps and Land Rover love

I am only leaving Tarifa for nine weeks – we’re back at the beginning of September for one more month of magical adventures before I head off, sans Tiggy and The Beast, to Nepal. But still, the time to depart had come round far too fast.

I hate packing, I always have far too much stuff. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live life as a minimalist person, a floaty existence, unencumbered from clutter. I often marvel at ‘all white’ interior photo shoots in designer home magazines and try and always fail to imagine myself existing in a home like that.

I suppose our personal possessions are a reflection of our true characters – mine certainly is – busy, busy, busy, always doing something, my own special version of organized chaos, a high-energy life strewn with umpteen different things going on at once. I think it’s why swimming, walking, kite-surfing etc. are so good for me, they either lull me into a dream-free state or force me to concentrate and think of only one thing (where is my kite, my board, the waves, the wind).

I’ve done really well on avoiding retail therapy during my time in Tarifa – I haven’t gone over my designated budget and the only really big ticket purchases I’ve made are for kite surfing. On packing, I reaffirmed my vow to keep de-cluttering and to stop purchasing anything unnecessarily.   I say all of this, yet a secret, small part of me still hankers after a rose-gold Rolex yachtmaster…I am nothing if not a creature of conflict and contradiction.

The weather for my final week was amazing – clear blue skies and glorious sunshine. A Poniente breeze blew in from the Atlantic, allowing for blue-bird kite-surfing and serene sea-swimming conditions. And I managed to cram in as much of both as time allowed.

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It’s a long and lovely pilgrimage home, taking in some of the finest cities Spain has to offer on a four day voyage; Tarifa to Sevilla, Sevilla to Salamanca, Salamanca to Portsmouth (via ferry) and one last ferry from Portsmouth to the Isle of Wight. All in all, 633 miles of driving, 622 miles on a Brittany ferry and a short hop home to Cowes.

After The Beast’s meltdown only the week before, the hero farmer who rescued us had already checked the oil and water and decreed them good. And, bribed with an eight pack of Cruzcampo beer, the local mechanic had agreed to bump The Beast up his one-week waiting list and fixed our frazzled blinkers and headlights in under a day for a refreshingly thrifty thirty euros.

I spent a lot of time sorting through all my things, putting aside one bag of clothes for September and taking four more large bags home with me, along with some books, my half-finished painting canvas, picnic basket and a plethora of other belongings that had hardly been used since my arrival.

Given that I was now the proud owner of three new, beautiful kites (two pink, one blue), a kite-board (pink and blue) and wetsuit (merely blue), I was actually coming home with more than I took out. So, after a not insignificant amount of effort, I was shipshape and prepared to cast off from Tarifa and weave our way home back to the Isle of Wight.

The Beast (thankfully) was sound and ready, I was sound albeit not quite emotionally ready, it was Tiggy, unfortunately, who turned out to be little under par. After my last, best and most enjoyable kite surfing session thus far, I returned home to be welcomed both by Tiggy and a little pile of luminous yellow vomit. These things happen, Tiggy isn’t often sick, and it always passes quickly so I held off feeding her any supper and kept my fingers crossed she’d be ok in the morning.

A lovely Last Supper with the boys came and went, Tiggy survived the night without producing any more radio-active surprises and we rolled into Thursday ready to rock and roll from the Reefa and commence our journey up to Sevilla. At lunchtime Tiggy was fed with her usual post-upset tummy dish of chicken-and-rice which was gobbled down in a flash and the bowl pushed round the floor of the apartment like an ice hockey puck as she licked out every last drop.

The boys came round to help me strategically pack The Beast. And after a slightly stressful incident of puffing up The Beasts tyres (30 PSI for those of you who care about such things) during which the boys were very kind and patient and I was somewhat impatient and unintentionally ungrateful, we all headed out to one of our favourite chiringuito for an ice cream and a bit of a decompress before the journey began.

Tiggy enjoyed a bouncy and fun game of catch while I, for one last time, absorbed the arresting sight of hundreds of kites careering through the skies attached by a tangle of 25 metre lines to the surfers carving through the waves.

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Time to go, we said our goodbyes and headed inland from the coast to Sevilla – officially the warmest city in Europe and which, for those of you who believe in mythology, was founded by non other than Hercules.

Fittingly, it was somewhat of a Herculean drive: scorching hot and very dusty. The Beast’s fresh-air conditioning vents were cranked open to the max, my window and the passenger window were both wide open and still it was sizzling. The road was hilly, although not particularly winding and the vistas of the rugged hills of Los Alcornocales National Park, carpeted with one of the largest cork forests in the world, made for a visually impressive and interesting drive.

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The Beast is perfectly capable of averaging at 60mph, but it’s far from a comfy cruise, once the speedo needle has tipped beyond 55mph the whole physical experience moves up an exponential notch and he becomes uncomfortably bumpy, bouncy and deafeningly rattly, something one has to endure as opposed to enjoy. As we all know that life is about the journey and not the destination, I therefore chose to cruise at a slightly (although not much) more serene average speed of 55mph.

Comfort factor aside, this meant that absolutely everything overtook us – lorries and buses travel at 60mph so we avoided getting stuck in their wake and as the roads weren’t busy, we could drive along in solitude without having to worry about complex and stressful manoeuvres such as overtaking or driving too close to anyone.

Tiggy always travels up front, next to me in the middle seat. She loves a journey in The Beast, I don’t know if it’s the vibrations or the sounds that she likes the most, but something about it is clearly very comforting to her, as she always curls up in her basket and goes sound asleep for hours at a time. Every now and again she’ll stir, wriggle to a new spot if the sun has moved and then go straight back to sleep. It’s not a bad life she leads.

About forty-five minutes into our journey, she stirred, stretched, squinted at me dozily and then opened her mouth and projectile vomited half digested chicken and rice all over the dashboard. She gave me a look as if to say ‘sorry mummy’, and then proceeded to attempt to eat the bits that hadn’t made it onto the dashboard and had landed on the side of her bed.

Aghast, but trying to remain calm, I saw a sign that said ‘Camino de Servicio’ which was the next exit and so I took it. Just as I was approaching the exit ramp, a wasp flew in via the open air front flap, stung me in the arm and then got sucked out of my driver’s side window before I could personally ensure it’s early demise. I howled loudly both in pain and exasperation. It really, really hurt.

Taking the service road, I looked, but couldn’t see the garage that I expected to be off the roundabout from the exit ramp. I followed the Camino de Servicio signs thinking perhaps it would be a garage in a small village – oftentimes in Spain the garages are about half a kilometer from the motorway, presumably located on what was once the main thoroughfare. But no, none was forthcoming.

After a couple of minutes the TomTom realized the error of my ways and re-routed us, telling us to go straight for five more miles before we could get back on the motorway towards Sevi-R (TomTom’s mis-pronunciation of Spanish towns is worthy of a blog post in its own right).

By the time I realized that the service station was going to be but a mirage in my mind, my arm was really starting to throb and the car was filled with the pungent and nauseating aroma of warm chicken vomit, with chunks dropping off the dashboard onto the floor.

I pulled over and used up half a packet of wet wipes cleaning the dashboard, the floor, Tiggy’s basket and the seat. The one time to be grateful for plastic seating in 35 plus degrees heat is when your dog has just been sick all over it, and you need to clean it up.

There wasn’t much I could do about my arm, which had gone a bit numb and was properly painful. There wasn’t much more I could do about Tiggy being sick either – we still had two and a half hours to go and we needed to get there.

Back on the motorway once more, I saw a Repsol garage on the side of the road, so I pulled in to take stock and gather my senses. Tiggy had some water; I had a small coffee and rubbed my smarting arm.

I bought some Haribo Starmix to cheer myself up and splurged 1.5 euros on a lemon scented car freshener which proclaimed ‘reir es la major vitamina’ – ‘laughter is the best vitamin’, clearly the Spanish version of ‘laughter is the best medicine’. It made me smile, but I was still some way off being able to chuckle about what had happened. Projectile dog vomit and baking hot car interiors do not make for a fun nor happy partnership.

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When we finally arrived at 7pm it was still a punishing 36 degrees.

The Novotel where we were staying thankfully had an underground car park, although the corners were really tight, so I had to navigate three fifteen-point turns to get us into the hotel’s parking section – The Beast’s turning circle is diametrically opposed to that of a London Black Cab. If they had offered valet parking, I would have thrown the keys to the bellboy, Hollywood style, and legged it.

Once checked into our room, with the air conditioning on maximum cool and Tiggy tucked up in her basket on top of a beach towel in case of any more chundering, I ran a bath and soaked in peace and solitude for a good half hour.

After getting dressed, Tiggy and I wandered out into the very warm evening – it was still 30 degrees at 8.30pm – somewhat frazzled by the unexpected events and fried by the heat, we circumnavigated the impressive, enormous cathedral and bullring in a slightly lack-luster fashion.

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The cathedral is awe-inspiring, dwarfing the likes of St Pauls Cathedral, it took over one hundred years to build when it was started in 1401. Standing defiantly on the former site of the city’s mosque, the spot was chosen two hundred years after the Castilians had successfully booted out the Islamic ‘invaders’ who had only spent the previous 770 years living there. I find the history of this region absorbing, fascinating and horrifying with unnerving and unsettling parallels to the world we find ourselves living in today (what is it they say about history repeating itself…).

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Too tired to explore much more, I had a distinctly underwhelming and overpriced tapas supper along with two medicinal beers. We were both tucked up in bed and basket respectively by 10.45pm.

The next morning, we were up early as Sevilla to Salamanca was the longest leg of our journey – a bottom numbing five hours plus. Thankfully there had been no unwelcome mid-night deposits from the depths of Tiggy’s tummy (Tiggy remained nil by mouth to reduce any risk of that) and my arm had finally stopped aching.

I carried our bags down to the car and opened the passenger door to be greeted by an overwhelming onslaught: a stomach churning smell of stale chicken vomit mingled with synthetic lemon air freshener. My heart sank, my wet wipe clean up had clearly missed some nook or cranny where slowly decomposing chicken had made its home.

I still needed to check out of the hotel, so tucking Tiggy under my arm, we got the lift up to reception where, with my best game face on and trying to make Tiggy look as cute and innocent as possible, I asked if I could please avail myself of some disinfectant and a cloth because ‘my poor little doggy had been car sick yesterday’.

I explained that we had to drive all the way to Salamanca in my very old and slow car, at which point the kindly manager picked up the phone to housekeeping and garbled something unintelligible to whomever was on the other end.

He told me to go down to the car which I did, where I was promptly met by not one, but two housekeeping ladies, with a trolley full of cleaning products, along with a bucket and a mop. I repeated the ‘pauvrecito perrito’ (poor little doggy) web of half-truths to the ladies, who shook their heads sympathetically and insisted on doing the job themselves.

One of them took such a shine to Tiggy that as well as vigorously mopping out the foot-well, even The Beast’s dashboard received an efficient spritzing of lavender furniture polish and an energetic buffing. They then wanted their photo taking with Tiggy in front of The Beast, which I was more than happy to oblige (although annoyingly I forgot to take one of my own).

And under a cloud of lemon and lavender scent we executed three more fifteen point turns to exit the underground car park and leave the blistering heat of Sevilla behind us.

There’s not that much to embellish about our journey really – it was long, you basically go straight on for 125 miles, hang a right and then stay on the same road for another 125 miles; the countryside was green and vast and a joy to behold; The Beast was mechanically flawless; Tiggy wasn’t sick and no unwelcome insects invaded or stung.

The further away from the stifling heat of Sevilla we got and the closer to Salamanca, the more pleasant the journey became (although my bottom got a bit numb towards the end).

We stopped to refuel, twice – the first time I bought some Jamon flavor Ruffles – unequivocally the best flavoured crisp in Spain, the second time I topped up on the previous day’s Haribo Starmix (large bag). Whilst neither snack could come close to claiming they were of any nutritional benefit whatsoever, I thoroughly enjoyed them both and scoffed them down in an embarrassingly short space of time.

We arrived in Salamanca at about 3pm, once in our room Tiggy was fed for the first time and as soon as the last mouthful was digested, I took her for a long walk, just in case the dodgy tum decided to make a reappearance.

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Thankfully the food stayed down and we returned back to the hotel for a siesta and for me to wallow in another luxurious bath (lots of bubbles) before heading out for yet more underwhelming and overpriced food. I’m really not good at choosing where to eat, and must do more research next time (adds Lonely Planet Salamanca to shopping basket on Amazon).

Tarifa aside, Salamanca is my favourite city in Spain (although I do still have to visit Cadiz and Grenada). To many people, Sevilla is the most beautiful city in Spain, and it really is extraordinary, but for me it’s no contest that Salamanca pips it to the post. I’m not sure if it’s the fact that it’s smaller, so the incredible architecture feels more immersive and accessible or perhaps, because of the university, there’s a higher concentration of ancient buildings to admire than Sevilla.

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It’s such a vibrant city, mainly thanks to the large population of both local and international students, stunningly floodlight by night or illumined with soft warmth when bathing in the afternoon sun. The facades of the spectacular buildings make for a visual feast, bursting with mythical heroes, impressive religious scenes and exquisite coats of arms, bestowing the whole city with a magical quality and mystical feel.

Its history is equally as fascinating as Sevilla; the university is the oldest in Spain and one of the oldest in the western world, Christopher Columbus lectured there; the ‘new cathedral’ was only built in 1512 (restoration work in 1992 saw a faun eating an ice cream and an astronaut carved into the façade!); and the city was also Franco’s headquarters making Salamanca the de facto Nationalist capital and centre of power during the entire Spanish civil war.

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Take my word for it, just go.

A late breakfast more than made up for my disappointing dinners from the two previous evenings. Outside on the terrace, I over indulged in a smorgasbord of bucksfizz, yoghurt and homemade compot followed by scrambled eggs, bacon, grilled tomatoes and a petite pain au chocolat to round it all off. Only when travelling is chocolate ok for breakfast. Somewhat stuffed, dazed and confused from an inevitable food coma, I took Tiggy for a long walk, ready for our last three and a half hour drive to Santander and the ferry that night which would carry us back across the Bay of Biscay and down The Channel into Portsmouth.

As we were leaving, I risked life, limb and the wrath of the Spanish drivers of Salamanca by parking The Beast diagonally across a pavement to get a ‘money shot’ of him in front of the cathedral and another of us going through an ancient tunnel. And then, still satiated and most content, we were off once more.

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The lemon scented freshener had already run out of smell, which made it one of my poorer 1.5 euro investments, but thankfully the eau de chicken-sick had definitely gone too, so I didn’t really feel it was my place to grumble.

The road to Santander was hilly and The Beast drank a lot of diesel – we traversed viaducts, zoomed through long tunnels and were in the queue for the ferry in no time at all. There’s not much to say about Santander that’s really of interest (that I saw), it’s headquarters to the bank, it’s ugly as sadly much of the town was destroyed by a fire in 1941, and the port is very big.

My passport was scantily checked, Tiggy’s passport was thoroughly checked and a new yellow “Pet On Board” sticker was affixed to The Beast’s windscreen. And that was that, our time in Spain was up, we were ready to board and commence the penultimate leg of our long journey home.

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Once on board, Tiggy and I bundled into the lift up to the doggy deck. It’s a pretty slick and efficient service, except that Tiggles, much to her utter horror, has to go in a kennel that somewhat unfortunately – thanks to its very hygienic stainless steel casing and bars – looks very much like a jail. The nice thing is that dog owners can visit their precious pups any time of day and night, and because the weather on the crossing was stunning, we spent most of the day on the outside doggy deck, Tiggy toasting in the sunshine on my knee, and me writing this blog.

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I started to write something about how eccentric, quirky and possibly downright bonkers, the other the dog owners were and then realized that, really, I was more than probably simply verbalising what they all thought of me. Contemplating and chuckling inwardly over this self-realisation for a short time, I stopped typing and sheepishly tapped the backspace button to delete what I had written. We fellow travelling dog owners need to stick together.

Long, lolloping waves greeted us head on as we left the shores of Spain behind and the ferry gently rocked over and slid down the back of them as we headed out into the Bay of Biscay. I looked down onto the waves and thought what fun it would be to kite surf out there on them – a watery, wind powered roller coaster, oh how I do love the sea.

Yet one more unsatisfactory supper later (should have stuck to Jamon Ruffles and Haribo) gave me the excuse to go via the shop after tucking Tiggy into bed that evening and, along with a cup of lukewarm PG tips, I gorged on a whole bar of Dairy Milk Fruit and Nut in bed whilst reading my book.   Some crumbs of chocolate dropped and melted onto the sheet, I felt both guilty and naughty – it was rather like being at a pyjama party except I was the only guest. Satiated (and a bit sickly if I’m really honest), I turned off the light and, suddenly feeling utterly shattered, settled into my narrow bunk for a good night’s sleep.

Lying there I thought about Tiggy, up at the bow where it’s way more bumpy, and hoped she’d be ok with the waves that continued to roll towards us as we crossed Biscay. My cabin was towards the stern and, as I’d chosen the cheapest (yet still reassuringly expensive) cabin available, I was only one level above the car decks; I could feel the ship’s propeller shudder and judder beneath me.

Once I’ve got used to the vibrations and the constant noise of the engine, I find sleeping on a ferry really peaceful but annoyingly, despite being really tired, it took me ages to get to sleep that night.

My mind kept wandering – how did I feel about heading home? Would I miss the ‘Reefa? How can the time have flown by so quickly? Am I still doing the right thing? Am I keeping busy enough? Is there anything I else I should be doing that I’m not?   I was all at sea; already homesick for Tarifa, and, at the same time, homesick for home. I don’t know how it’s possible to miss two places (or the people in them) at once, but it is.

Everyone keeps asking me what I will do when my gap year is over – the truthful answer is, I don’t know yet. I’ve been in touch with a few headhunters, but the opportunities that would be right for me (and I right for them) are really few and far between. There was one utterly amazing job, it would have been a dream job five years ago, and the interviews involved having Skype meetings with some of the most powerful people in fashion – but it was 50% in New York. I’ve more than been there, done that, got the t-shirt, along with the sweatshirt, cap and shoes – no amount of money or bragging job title in the world will induce me to spend half my life on an aeroplane ever again.

I trust myself well enough now that I will know when I find the right opportunity (or the right opportunity finds me) and when it does, I shall seize and embrace it.

Eventually my mind stopped whirling, I fell sound asleep and, unusually, didn’t wake up until my alarm sang softly in my ear. After showering in what must be the smallest bathroom known to mankind, I dashed upstairs to release Tiggy from jail, give her breakfast and a leg stretch on the doggy deck. Once she realised that food was on the cards, she quickly got over her umbrage at having been incarcerated all night, along with fifteen other howling and wailing four legged friends, and leapt around as much as one can on a gently ducking and diving deck.

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It was a blissful day of quiet contemplation, writing, reading and soaking up the sun in the lee of the doggy penitentiary. I considered going for a swim in the open air, postage stamp, roof top pool, but it was closed due to the ‘sea state’ which was causing the swimming pool’s water to slop rather violently from one end to the other as the ferry rolled up and down the waves. I was gutted, it would have been fun I imagined, rather like swimming in a washing machine on a slow cycle.

It’s a long passage from Lands End (which we couldn’t see, but Google maps told me we’d passed) along one of my favourite coastlines in England – past the pretty little seaside towns of St Mawes, Dartmouth and Fowey; where I have spent many a happy summer, pottering around on the water.   Seagulls squawked above us in the clear blue sky and a warm breeze puffed gently from the west.

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After countless tummy tickles for Tiggy, many cups of tea and a plate of soggy chips for me, we eventually passed Portland Bill, a point around which I have sailed so very often, but never in such glorious conditions. A small shiver of anticipation ran through me.

Sliding Tiggy off my lap, I stood up and we ambled over to the ship’s railings, Tiggy bravely peering at the sea below, me peering out to see if I could spot the Isle of Wight. Squinting into the bright light, far away in the distance, out beyond where the sunlight bounced off the waves and the wind made patterns on the water, I could just make out the outline of a small, dark mound and instinctively I knew; I was home.

For the love of dog: Tiggy cashes in on one of her seven lives…

A curious turn of incidents has led to a very emotional week for the Tarifa arm of the Neary family.

It all started, I think, with an extra enthusiastic bounce from Tiggy onto the sofa one evening which ended in a squeal and a sore back leg.  The next day when I left to go kiting she cried a bit – hindsight being 20:20, I now realise she was trying to tell me her leg was properly sore and not just an ‘ouchy’.

A few hobbling walks later, I started to get worried as it didn’t seem to be getting any better. But I knew it wasn’t broken as she could, when required, still bounce up the steep steps to our apartment, run after her ball or jump onto my lap for a cuddle.

Was it worth a vets visit, I pondered on Tuesday.  Having prevaricated and then decided yes, an appointment was secured for 1pm on Thursday.

In the meantime one of the Tarifa Tribe lent me his ‘red light’ therapy lamp – which, he explained, enhances and promotes the body’s natural healing powers.  I can’t confess I understood the science behind it, but when he mentioned it was used by NASA to treat injuries in outer space, I concluded it would be good enough for Tiggy to try on terra firma.

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Tiggy adores warmth be it a glorious sunny spot, a toasty wood burner and she is especially fond of underfloor heating (let’s face it, who isn’t?).  Unsurprisingly then she utterly adored being placed strategically into position and basking in the red light glow for a restorative twenty minutes at a time.

Thursday came and we ambled along the road to see our vet, Eva.  Eva was already firm friends with Tiggy as, quite soon after we arrived, Tiggy contracted an infection in her lady-bottom.  Quite how remains somewhat of a mystery – although my friends all took great pleasure in concocting stories as to how this had come to pass – each one more outrageous and revolting than the next.  One (i.e. me) was not amused.  My theory is it was something to do with the sweet yet slobbering boxer who lives below us and who licked her bottom like a lollipop every time we entered or left our apartment.

Anyway…I explained the potential source of the sore leg to the lovely Swiss German, fluent Spanish and English speaking Eva.  Tiggy was duly walked around the waiting room like a little show pony so that her limp could be seen from all sides and then hoisted onto the table in the examination room where her leg was manipulated in every angle conceivable (and some that seemed pretty inconceivable to me) whilst being bribed with biscuits.

“I’m sure it’s not broken” said Eva, “but it could be a torn ligament which will show if the bones are misaligned, so we need to do an X-ray.”

That almost worried me more as if Tiggy had torn the equivalent of her ACL, I wasn’t quite clear how well it would heal – you can’t exactly get a knee brace for a little back leg.

Tiggy obediently tottered behind Eva into the x-ray room to be papped at a number of different angles.  More than a smattering of the eight thousand plus photos I have on my phone are of Tiggy – so fortunately she’s very used to striking a pose.  Tiggy was returned to me for a tummy tickle and yet another treat whilst we waited for Eva to examine the X-ray.

After a while Eva came back and showed me the X-ray results.   It was good news, the leg bones were ever so slightly misaligned, which probably meant a strained, not torn, ligament – rest and recuperation were the order of the day along with an injection of pain killer. I also showed Eva a picture of the red light lamp of love and she concurred it was good to keep that treatment going too.

Then there was a pregnant pause and just as I was about to scoop Tiggy up and take her home, Eva told me, hesitantly, that something else has showed up in the X-ray.  An unexpected, slightly skewiff, solid triangle shaped ‘foreign object’ in, what seemed to be, her tummy.  Not a growth, not a tumour or anything else that would conjure a myriad of consequences – but, all the same, an unwelcome intruder, lodged inside where it ought not to have been.

There then followed a lengthy discussion as to what the alien object actually was.  I went through the options – most likely a pebble, possibly a remnant of bone or a bit of plastic from an old ball were the most obvious ones I could come up with.  One of the other vets suggested tin foil, which was also entirely feasible.
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I wasn’t at all bothered.  Hoppity leg aside, Tiggy was in more than great health. Wet nose, waggy tail, shiny coat and no change to her eat-everything-in-sight appetite or digestion.

“It’s probably a stone”, I said, “and I bet it’s been in there for ages”.

When I first got Tiggy, seven years ago, she had just come out of being on heat. She’s a rescue dog having been hideously treated by her cretinous previous owners. The RSPCA recommends all rescue dogs are speyed as, I’m guessing (although I don’t know for sure) if you don’t know what they’ve been through, then you should avoided breeding from them. You have to wait a while after a dog has been in season before you have them spayed and during this time poor little Tiggy developed a phantom pregnancy.

It was a nightmare. She became very territorial over her basket, she’d growl at the boys at work when any of them came into my office and, most heartbreaking of all, she ‘adopted’ some large pebbles from my garden and treated them like her own newborn puppies.

When it was sunny, one by one, the pebbles would be picked up and carried outside and placed in the warmth of the sunshine.

When the sun went in, one by one, the pebbles would be picked up, carried back inside and tucked into her basket.

An injection of hormones at the vets put paid to the phantom puppies and pregnancy and Tiggy buried her own demons from the past to become the much adored and happy, bouncy dog she is today.

So I wondered if the stone could have been an unintentional left over consequence from the puppy-pebble saga.

The other reason I felt there was more than a fighting chance it was a stone was because Tiggy also loves nothing more than a game of throw and catch with anything that resembles a ball.   Given that a fair few beaches where we’ve played catch for years on the Isle of Wight are pebbly ones, it seemed entirely plausible that one had been accidentally ingested.

So, as I said, I was entirely unbothered – Tiggy was in fine fettle, it clearly wasn’t causing her any issues at all and I assumed it could therefore just stay put.

Unfortunately, Eva did not share this opinion.  She was quite firm, it needed to be dealt with before it became a problem.   It absolutely could not stay put, it had to come out.   Some more X-rays on an empty tummy were required in order to properly determine the next steps and we were sent home, Tiggy to be nil by mouth until 1pm the next day.

Back we went on Friday, this time with my visiting friend, Gretchen, also in tow.   We had an ultrasound to start with. Good news! The object had vanished.  I breathed a sigh of relief.  It must have been some tin foil stuck to a piece of left over steak brought home from a restaurant for Tiggy on Tuesday.

I felt as if I had exhaled properly for the first time in twenty four hours.

Eva said we should do one more x-ray to be on the safe side. Fine, I said, already looking forward to a restorative gin and tonic and toasting the demise of tummy-gate on the beach with Gretchen.

But no, those plans were quickly thwarted as lo and behold the x-ray showed the pesky little blighter was still there. In exactly the same place, it just hadn’t showed up in the ultrasound for some strange reason.

“What happens now?”, I asked Eva.  I was given two options.  Either drive up the coast to a pet hospital in Chiclana where they could perform an endoscopy, or have an operation here, which that would mean cutting directly into her tummy, i.e a big operation.

I was still struggling to grasp that my seemingly, healthy, happy little dog was going to have to undergo a major procedure, when, to all intents and purposes, she clearly was feeling perfectly chipper.

“What would you do if she was your dog?” I asked Eva, “I would go to Chiclana for the endoscopy”, she replied.   Although she made it clear there was no guarantee the foreign object could or would be excavated by the endoscopy, and then there would be no option but to cut her open.

At this point the enormity of it all hit me and I put my head in my hands and burst into tears. I didn’t want Tiggy to have a general anaesthetic. Even though I’m ridiculously squeamish, the idea of the endoscopy didn’t bother me at all. But the idea of her having a general anaesthetic filled me with an overwhelming gnawing, clawing anxiety.

The vet in Chiclana had already been contacted and an emergency appointment was made for Saturday (the following) morning.

In the meantime I messaged my friends at home who have far more experience in this area than I, having owned not one but five spaniels (at the same time) over the past thirteen years, one of whom had a particular penchant for eating toy soldiers and dinky cars.  Get a second opinion, they counselled whilst sending lots of love to Tiggy.

In the end, four vets all concluded that, whatever it was, it had to come out.

There was little more we could do, so Tiggy, Gretchen and I headed off to the beach for a few hours and a much needed beer.   My head was still reeling that an initial visit over a sore leg had turned into such a significant incident.  I hadn’t had time to brace or prepare myself for this at all.

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Tiggy, who already hadn’t eaten for twenty four hours, was now nil by mouth both food and water. Hunger aside she was still full of bounce and fun and was ecstatic that, as a rare special treat, she was allowed upstairs to sleep on my bed that evening.

She started the night curled up in a puffed up part of duvet at the end of the bed. By about 3am I felt the warmth of her body tucked into the small of my back. By 6.30am, when it was time to get up, she’d managed to commando crawl on her tummy and ended up nose to nose with me on the pillow, somehow sensing that she wouldn’t be told off for doing so.img_4947

This was the first “early getting up” deadline I’d had since being made redundant. And I didn’t enjoy it at all.  Having washed, fed and watered myself whilst Tiggy looked on hungrily it was time to leave.

I packed her bed and her blanket so she’d have some security from familiar surroundings when she came round the from the anaesthetic and it was time to hit the road.

The destination of the pet hospital was tapped into the TomTom and The Beast roared into life, ready to transport his precious cargo up the coast.

It’s a bit of a standing joke in our family that I’m a fairly rubbish driver. I don’t enjoy or like driving and I certainly don’t like going fast.  My usual modus operandi is far more Driving Miss Daisy than Speedy Gonzales, I tend to tootle along, very content to be overtaken by all and sundry whilst we amble bumpily to our destination.

It’s partly why I like driving on the Isle of  Wight – no motorways or dual carriageways, the sat nav in my old Fiat 500 would often report an average speed of 25mph.   For the past ten years my total annual mileage has been under 2,000.

Not today though.  We pulled out of Tarifa and onto the main coast road and with a purposeful sense of grit and determination, I totally floored it.

The Beast charged and roared loudly (and rattled) like a raging bull – I think he has something like a 2.5 litre engine, and trust me, it was put to good use.

On any given day it’s an impressive drive – we left the beautiful beaches of Tarifa and Bolonia behind us and turned the corner to stampede through the national park and thunder past the enormous wind farms.

In 2016 Spain was impressively the fourth biggest producer of wind power in the world (after China, the USA and Germany) and 20% of the country’s total electricity comes from the wind.  When the conditions are right (i.e. windy), wind has surpassed all other power sources in Spain – the record being November 21, 2015 when 70.4% of electricity consumed on the mainland came from the element.  Capitalising on its exposed location, fifty eight giant wind farms power the entire region of Cadiz, a truly arresting sight as you’re driving along.

Not much happens in Spain at 7.30am on a Saturday morning and the wind farm was no exception.  The windmills were completely stationary, like an army of mammoth, slumbering triffids, row after motionless row, heads bowed as if to respectfully let us pass through unfettered.

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This must have been the first time in my life that I’ve ever broken a speed limit as we arrived in Chiclana at 8.50am, a full fifteen minutes before the TomTom’s estimated arrival time. (Usually we are fifteen to twenty minutes behind its ETA.)

Navigating the many roundabouts in Chiclana, I drove on the principle that anything getting in the way of us would come off far, far worse. It’s amazing how quickly cars get out of your way when they see two and a half tons of noisy, shaking and vibrating Land Rover with a wide eyed woman at the wheel, hurtling down on them at speed.

We pulled into the car park of the pet hospital – a reassuringly clean, modern and clinical looking building.  I turned off The Beast’s ignition, the vibrations juddered to a stop and for a few moments I just sat in stillness and silence hugging Tiggy on my knee.

Plastering a brave smile on my face that tried and failed to mask my true emotions, we walked towards the main door, carrying Tiggy’s bed and blanket, where the Vet and his assistant were already waiting for us.

We were immediately ushered into a consulting room – Tiggy who clearly still felt right as rain, was totally oblivious to what she was about to be subjected to.  The vet was calmly and clinically efficient.  Instructing me to hold Tiggy’s head, he took some blunt ended scissors and started to snip a patch of fur away on her right leg.

Tiggy, at this point, sussed that something untoward was up and started to tremble.  She looked at me as if to say ‘what’s happening mummy?’ as she shook from head to tail.  I kept talking to her to reassure her as a huge needle was inserted into her little leg and she was given a tranquilliser prior to the anaesthetic.

Then it was time to hand her over to the professionals. The vet picked up her blankie and told me to put her in his arms which I did with a big kiss and ear tickle.  Then I looked up at him and said “Por favor ten cuidado, ella es mi bebé” (please take care, she is my baby) and I stifled a sob as he nodded brusquely and walked out of the room.

The lovely, kind assistant squeezed my arm as tears streamed down my face.  There was a cafe at the beach I could go to, she explained, and they would call me when the operation was over.  “How long will it be?”, I asked, “we don’t know” she said, as it would depend on whether the endoscopy was successful for not.  Clearly it was going to be a fair few hours and I was in for a long wait.

By now I was shaking as much as Tiggy and I drove, super slowly, towards the beach where there was a street dotted with small cafes and cervicerias.   I plumped for the one that was busiest and, with my book, sat outside waiting to be served.

The waiter approached and I asked for the menu.  He smiled and said “Solo tenemos café, chocolate caliente, té, zumo de naranja y churros” (we only have coffee, hot chocolate, tea, orange juice and donuts).   Somewhat dazed I decided I needed some sugar and went all out ordering a hot chocolate, orange juice and churros.

On the table next to me was a Spanish couple about my age with a giant Great Dane who came over to say hello to me.  Sitting down my eyes were level with his, he was huge.  I patted him on his head and explained, haltingly, to the couple that my little dog was currently having an operation at the hospital down the road.  They cooed appropriately over a picture of Tiggy and were fittingly sympathetic, saying they had heard it was an excellent hospital, she was in good hands.

I eeked out eating my breakfast, savouring the sweetness of the churros whilst attempting to read my book.  After reading the same page twenty times, I gave up and sat simply staring into space, alternately checking my watch and my phone every five minutes.  The Great Dane couple left, wished me good luck and farewell and I was alone once more.

Time crawled torturously by.  First one hour.  Then two.  I kept the small family of friends who knew what was going on updated by text and also filled my sister in on the situation.  My heart hurt, my tummy ached, and I had to concentrate really hard on not letting myself fall into the trap of “what if” fear-mongering.

Just as I was coming up on the three hour mark, I texted “I’m flapping now.  It’s been three hours, I’m getting really worried”.

I was just about to lose it when two seconds after I’d hit send, the phone range.  A Spanish number.  The hospital.  My hands were shaking so much I nearly dropped the phone.  The vet’s voice spoke to me “Todo es bueno, puedes venir a recoger a tu perrito” (everything is fine, you can come and collect your little dog).  My voice caught in my throat, I couldn’t speak, all I managed was a squeaky ‘Gracias’.  

I asked the waiter for the bill, he explained it had been paid by the couple with “the big dog”.   I was touched beyond words –  a timely reminder that no act of kindness, regardless how big or small, is ever wasted.  Dog people really are the best.

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The Beast and I sped back to the hospital.  And, once again, the vet and his assistant were waiting at the door.  I was whisked upstairs this time and taken into a different room.  The endoscopy had been a success.  There was no need to slice Tiggy open.  She would be sleepy and dozy for the next twenty four hours – but she could have some soft food this afternoon.  I just kept saying ‘gracias’ and nodding.  I didn’t even really feel relieved which was strange, I think I was still numb from it all.

And then, before being reunited with little Tiggy, I was ceremoniously handed over the mysterious alien object and the root cause of all this trauma and emotion.  It was a large pebble – smooth on all sides, shaped like a duck (he said).   I’ve kept it of course, although I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to do with it.

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We left the consultation room and went next door, and there, in a tiny cage, in her basket, wrapped in her blankie was Tiggy.  The door was opened and she teetered out, like a little drunk, tottering about on jelly legs, still clearly feeling the after affects of the anaesthetic.

I scooped her up and covered her little face in kisses before carrying her out to the car and clicking her into the middle seat.  She gave me a look as if to say ‘what was that all about?’, closed her eyes and dozed off to sleep.

Heading back to Tarifa I reverted to “Driving Miss Daisy” mode once more – although clearly the stress and worry of the morning was wreaking havoc on my mind, as we went round a roundabout three times having missed the exit that was extremely clearly communicated both verbally by the TomTom and visually by the road signs.

I drove home at half the speed of the early morning journey, The Beast, far less noisy and rattly now he was not being pushed to the max – a much quieter and calmer ride.  Every now and again Tiggy would wake up, lift up her head and snuffle at me, and then plonk her head down again and go back to sleep.

As we closed in on the approach to the national park, I could see in the distance that the wind had picked up and the triffid army of windmills had awoken, their arms twirling in their endless and relentless march to power the region.

The road was busier now too – and we were peeped at and overtaken many, many times as we bimbled along, back home to Tarifa.  Once safely ensconced in our apartment, Tiggy dozing contentedly on the sofa, I lay down next to her and, totally shattered, fell fast asleep.

For the next few days Tiggy was definitely out of sorts, very clingy and always wanting to sit on my knee – which isn’t really like her at all as, like me, she’s a very independent little thing.  Her throat was clearly sore – although she very much enjoyed being fed home-made chicken stock along with poached chicken and rice instead of her usual crunchy, scratchy kibble.

Little by little she’s got her mojo back, the fur is growing on her leg, and even though her back leg is still a bit wonky, day by day she is reverting back to the fizzing, bouncing bundle of energy we have grown to love so much.

Gosh life can be cruel with its twists and turns – a lost job, a broken heart, an unexpected illness…sometimes we are fortunate enough to be able to take the cards that fate has dealt us and throw them back into the dealer’s deck and select some more.

And other times we have no choice but to deal with the cards we’ve been handed, to make the most of a situation which, particularly when our hearts and emotions are involved, can seem to take on a magnitude all of its own.

Sitting now writing this, with Tiggy snoozing contentedly, sandwiched between the warmth of my lap and the heat from my laptop I can’t help but think, no matter what happens, how lucky we are to have the luxury of this gap year together.

With Tiggy by my side I am never alone and our home, wherever that may be, is always full of love.  She waits for me at the bottom of the stairs when I wake up in the morning.  She’s right by the door with a little waggy tail to welcome me home.  She is Piglet to my Winnie the Pooh, and, as that oh so clever bear of very little brain once said;

“Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart”.

Choose happy – do all things with love.

Sophie, Tiggy and The Beast X

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Dare to go bare: the one where Tiggy and I go to the nudist beach

A few weeks ago Tiggy, a friend and I went for a walk on the giant sand dune on the western most tip of Tarifa’s golden, crescent shaped beach.  There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, the sea was sparkling turquoise and crystal clear and the beach was dotted with local families enjoying a glorious Saturday in April.

I lamented the fact that I hadn’t bought my bikini, as it was a lovely day for a refreshing dunk in the sea (in fact, that was the very day Tiggy learnt to swim).  “No problem”, my friend replied, “You don’t need one, if you keep going round the point towards Bolonia there are lots of secluded coves you can only get to on foot where the nudes hang out”.

We didn’t end up going that way, I didn’t get my swim and my clothes remained firmly on but a little nugget of a thought began to germinate in my mind.

Nudist beaches are tantalisingly un-British – in fact I’m so boringly middle class that I can probably count on one hand the amount of times I’ve ever sunbathed topless.  In my defence this is in part due to the fact that whilst I’m certainly not a delicate English rose when it comes to my character, I most certainly am a delicate English rose when it comes to my complexion and therefore my predisposition to burn.

For this and other unimportant reasons I’ve never been bothered about getting my boobs out on the beach – but, for me, going totally bare feels more than mischievous, it feels deliciously naughty – the sort of naughty that people would gossip about.

“Sophie’s gone completely off the rails on her gap year.  Nudist Beaches? Her reputation will be in tatters.  She’ll never get another job now”, is what I suspect my parents will think when they read this, but hopefully be sensible enough to avoid vocalising out loud.

Sunbathing bare, to me, is so very different from merely skinny dipping – choosing to nonchalantly lounge around in the buff all day on the beach strikes me as the louche sort of thing that Europeans do very well but us buttoned up Brits do not.

Therefore in the spirit of my Eternity Leave along with embracing, nay rejoicing in my European residency while I still get to claim EU citizenship, I decided it was an adventure worth trying and that I would Give It A Go.

Casting my mind back, I believe the last time I voluntarily took off all my clothes and merrily cavorted around naked in front of a group of people before running into the sea, was when I was playing strip Twister on the front lawn of our house in Aberdovey with my friends.

Aberdovey

That was when I was in my mid twenties.  All I remember was the next day someone’s boxers were hanging from the lampshade in the sitting room, which I hadn’t spotted when I was clearing up the aftermath of the impromptu party, but my parents immediately did when they arrived later that afternoon.

I do recall getting into an awful lot of bother over that, along with the fact that half of Poppa Neary’s ‘good’ wine had mysteriously evaporated…

So that was a circa twenty years ago, and whilst I didn’t plan to “cavort” naked on the beach here, let alone play Twister, it certainly felt like going bare on the beach was somewhat overdue, except this time I wouldn’t be drunk and I would be alone (apart from Tiggy) and not with friends.

Going it alone was a slightly double edged sword.  I didn’t feel emboldened enough to say to any of my (mainly male) friends, hey come hang out on the beach with me whilst I try out this nude sunbathing thing.  Plus it felt like dragging someone else along was somehow cheating – this was an achievement to be accomplished on one’s own.

But then being alone was a slightly unnerving and intimidating thought.  I certainly felt vulnerable, and with no one to chat to would my ultimate fear of a naked human being coming up and actually attempting to converse materialise?

Tiggy, I concluded, would be my protector.  Mirrored sunglasses would act as our deflectors.

I approached our excursion with military precision.   The weather and wind direction charts were poured over (no-one needs their nether regions exfoliated by wind-blown sand), friends were consulted for a second opinion and it was determined that Saturday looked promising – no clouds, low wind and lots of lovely sunshine all day long.

Indeed, Saturday dawned bright and clear as promised, time to put the plan into action.  I slowly and meticulously pre-applied factor 50 to my never-previously-exposed-parts and got dressed.  I methodically quadruple checked my bag and panic-packed an emergency back up pair of sunnies.  I got undressed and re-applied even more cream.  And then, finding nothing else to procrastinate over, Tiggy and I eventually hit the road.

Take nothing but memories

The route to Bolonia was stunning, winding along a quiet road for 7k, it really was a peach of a drive, spoiled only by the kamikaze, death-wish local drivers who nailed overtaking on blind corners with a faith I’ve never before encountered.  Rolling hills and lush, green grass stretched to the horizon, we saw herd after herd of baby goats bounding along playfully before Bolonia beach came into view and arced round in a graceful curve – Roman ruins at one end and nudist beaches off the beaten track at the other.

We followed the road east along the beach until it ran out and parked The Beast by the gate to the coastal path, where he could keep a lookout and stand guard until we returned.

Where the bear ones roam

We walked along the coastal path for about a mile – it was simply breathtaking, both rugged and inhospitable yet peaceful and tranquil and, apart from the odd military lookout from WWII, untouched by human hand.

It’s hard to imagine that this coast once witnessed the shock and awe of the combined forces of the thirty three ships of the mighty Spanish Armada and French Navy take on and lose to the invincible nautical battle strategy of Lord Nelson and a smaller British fleet of only twenty seven ships.

Nelson may have sacrificed his life onboard HMS Victory some two hundred years ago, but not a single British ship was sunk, while the Spanish-Franco fleet suffered a crucifying and crippling loss of twenty two.  I wondered how many brave souls and spirits had been sacrificed within these waters and now lie, stories and horrors untold, in the shadows and shallows of this vast stretch of sea.

We wandered round cove after cove on a headland carpeted with wild flowers, the air delightfully perfumed by the aroma of the pine trees above and, apart from the grazing cows and spirited song birds, without encountering another living thing.  Was I going to end up doing this in total solitude I pondered?

Tread softly - wild flowers

And then, on the next headland,  we spotted a man walking towards us.  He passed at a respectful distance and gave us a little wave.  One quick glimpse informed me he was sporting a sarong which didn’t look like he had anything on underneath – I concluded I was heading in the right direction.

We rounded that headland and there, down on the beach, I spotted no more than half a dozen bodies dotted around, already having made their nests for the day.  All were couples, no soloists.  ‘There’s safety in numbers’ I decided, and so I scanned the beach for a suitable spot for us.

Descending from the path to the beach, Tiggy sensed that something exciting was on the cards and was being particularly bouncy and boisterous, hurtling along at top speed and running up to show off her doggles and check out if fellow bathers were friend or foe.

The doggles have been an uncontested success but her peripheral vision is definitely now slightly skewif and I had a last minute flap about her mistaking someone’s schlonger for a sausage.  You may laugh, but once terriers latch onto something, it’s terribly hard to get them to let go.  Much to her distain then, it was back on the lead pretty sharpish and no more untethered exploring for her.

New balls please

I found what seemed to be a perfect spot – in the lee of some old, weathered, wooden fishing boats that had long since been discarded to naturally decompose.  With conviction, I took my towel out, I shook it and purposefully lay it down.

Tiggy, sensing some unusual, inherent weakness on my part, decided to take complete advantage and promptly lay bang slap in the middle of the towel, refusing to budge.  Ignoring her for the time being, I set about the task of undressing.

I had already decided before arriving that I would de-robe standing up and not half-heartedly and shamefacedly attempt to wriggle out of my clothes sitting down.  I may be a buttoned-up Brit, but I absolutely embody the quintessentially British bulldog mentality that if something is to be done, then it’s worth doing properly.

“Stand up straight, you’ve got this”, I told myself determinedly – I squared my shoulders and attempted a nonchalant stance that certainly did not convey the trepidation I felt.  I slid my t-shirt over my head and un-pinged my bikini top. Half way there!

Not permitting myself to pause, I promptly unbuckled my belt, took off my shorts, folded them neatly and placed them carefully in my bag along with my tops.  This was it. Time for the big reveal.  I stood back up and with a deep breath I pulled down my bikini bottoms with both hands in one smooth and swift movement.

Ta dah! For the first time in my life, I was standing totally, completely and utterly bare, in broad daylight, in public.  I stood there for a nano-second with my bikini bottoms dangling from my hand being gently buffeted by the breeze.

In my imagination, I whooped out loud and twirled them round my head in gleeful yet coquettish kind of victory dance, a sort of glorious combination of all the best bits of a “Carry On” Barbara Windsor mixed with the dignified burlesque of Dita Von Teese.

Thankfully for us all (especially my dignity), decorum and Britishness prevailed and I remained totally stationary.

With a nervous yet triumphant smile to myself, I glanced around and then, exhaling and shoving Tiggy out of the way with my foot, I sat down with a bit of a thud.

I started to cross my legs and then, with a gasp, realised that was absolutely not a position to be adopted for today, so hugging my knees to my chest instead, I put my hat on firmly, made sure my sunnies were secure and then rolled over, bottom up first of course.

Giggling to myself, I felt somewhat giddy.  The wind was both a bit tickly as well as chilly on my bottom and by my ribs where my bikini top would normally go.  And then the sun’s rays warmed my skin, the headiness subsided and it all felt really rather sublimely and delectably divine.

Tiggy got over her huff of having been ejected from pole position and plonked herself down beside me.   Contently snuffling, she stretched out sphinx like, and snuggled in for a snooze.

Tickling her ears in her special spot and cuddling her closely, waves of contentment and happiness washed over us both.

Choose happy. Live the life you love

After about forty five minutes of reading, I decided it was time to go for a dunk.  Plus I didn’t want my bottom to be burnt to a crisp.  “Poco a poco”, as they say here in Spain, was my strategy for browning my botty.

Skinny dipping doesn’t bother me in the slightest – so I strode out and immersed myself in the refreshing azure blue waters – I felt like I was in the setting of a Tom Ford perfume advert.  Swimming naked is invigorating, I love it, I think there must be something truly embryonic about the whole experience.

Floating along in the shallows I tried and failed to persuade Tiggy to come and join me, instead she teetered at the water’s edge and barked convincingly if she thought I was going in too deep and therefore in grave danger.  No one even took a second look at me as I ambled back to my spot.

It was time flip to bum side down and boob side up.  In doing so, I definitely felt more exposed and a tinge of self consciousness and self-doubt crept back in.  I suppose, if nothing else, face side up you can see more of what’s going on around you and there’s a greater chance of the dreaded eye contact and unwittingly encouraging unwanted human communication.

Tiggy, sensing she needed to be on watch, sat on my hand and kept lookout whilst I started to relax.  I pulled my hat down further on my face and let the sun heat up my chilly post-swim-skin.

The sun was hotter now, I was worried Tiggy would overheat and that I would start to sizzle.  It was time to call it a day and seek some shade, so not without a tinge of regret I got dressed and gathered my things.  Before leaving our secluded little spot I looked around to make sure the view was etched firmly in my memory.  I don’t think I could have chosen a more perfect spot for my first nudist experience.

With Tiggy chasing the odd butterfly and finding then immediately abandoning sticks along the way, we meandered back to the strong and sturdy sanctuary of The Beast.  We hopped in and carefully navigated home singing along to the melodic and harmonic sounds of Simon and Garfunkel.

Homeward bound
Back home, bare again and checking myself in the mirror once more, my newly bronzed bottom felt toasty and warm to the touch, yet thankfully and happily all my hitherto white bits had turned pale golden brown and not burnt.

It dawned on me then, that after all of that flapping and insecurity, all of that unnecessary procrastination and over-preparation, I had uttered not one word to a single person all day long.

Why is the idea of something so often nothing like the reality?  How do we know if we are going to like something or not unless we actually get out there and try it?

The only way to ensure failure is to not even try in the first place.  Perhaps we should all stop thinking about what might go wrong and, instead, think of what could go right.

Sometimes I worry about whittling my life away with not enough to show for it.  How’s this for a sobering wake up call;  before they were twenty five, Michaelangelo had created Pieta, Mark Zuckerberg was a billionaire and Keats was already dead.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did so.  So throw off the bowlines, sail away from safe harbour, catch the trade winds in your sails.  Explore.  Dream.  Go Bare.”

That’s my favourite quote from the masterful pen of Mark Twain.  I’ll leave it to you to decide which bit I edited.

Will I do it again, I hear you ponder?  Maybe, some day, should you wander round the fifth cove to the far east of Bolonia beach you might stumble across a little, bare, blonde English rose sporting a straw hat with pompoms, lying on a pink stripey towel with a small Jack Russell tucked in cosily alongside her – and that, most likely, will be us.

Should you see us, just smile and wave and on the off-chance that we’re feeling brave and not bashful, Tiggy might bounce over for a ball throw and I’ll give you a little, shy smile and a wave back as you walk by.

It's not the time in your life that counts, it's the life in your time

Choose happy, and remember, it’s not really the time in your life that counts, it’s the life in your time.  What are you waiting for?  Get out there and do whatever it is you’ve always wanted to do, but been too afraid to try.

Love, Sophie, Tiggy and The Beast X